Making Space For New Traditions

  

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.” 

―C.S. Lewis

I am a woman of tradition, almost to a fault. I attach great meaning to things that are done year after year, and find great comfort in rituals and knowing exactly what to expect. Part of this is because of my introvert nature - comfort & routine are things I value greatly. At this time of year, traditions are front and center everywhere you look. From watching White Christmas while I wrap presents to singing Silent Night at the church I grew up on Christmas Eve, these next few weeks will be filled with nostalgia, but this year, also a little sadness. 

When you're someone who thrives on ritual and the importance of tradition, it can be difficult when long-standing traditions end. This year, because of things outside of my control, a few of my very favorite traditions won't be happening. Several months ago, I started to dread the holiday without them. Every time I pictured Christmas in my mind, images of those events were what I envisioned. Not being good with change anyway, I wasn't sure how to approach the season with the void these events had left behind. I could attempt to salvage what remained, but what was left wouldn't be the same at all. After much reflection, I realized the best thing would be to leave those traditions in my memory where they could live on, untarnished and at their best. 

After I gave myself a little time to be sad about this, a beautiful thing happened: it wasn't a void that these old traditions left behind, it was an empty space to be filled with new traditions. After all, every tradition is brand new the first time. And, because I was so focused on planning and upholding those sacred events that happened year after year, I closed myself off to new possibilities. My beau will be joining me for the full week in my hometown this year, and I'm so excited to forge new holiday territory with him in tow. 

And that sweater that I always buy my stepdad for Christmas? Since he likely has a whole closet full already, I think I'm going to get him something different this year.

{Image via Pinterest}

A Weekend of Thanks

This past weekend, my mom & stepdad drove in from Ohio to spend Thanksgiving with my beau and I. After years of battling the traffic ourselves to get to Ohio and last year's solo Thanksgiving, it was a real treat to have them with us. 

The weekend was the perfect kick off to the holiday season. We cooked Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday (complete with my mom's pumpkin pie, my favorite part), went to Apple House for even more apple butter donuts, saw a movie at the new Angelika theatre, oohed and ahhed over the adorable dancers in The Nutcracker, and bought & decorated a cute little Christmas tree. And, my mom surprised me with a sparkly red nail polish (Essie's Leading Lady). 

I have so much to be thankful for. Including you, the wonderful network of people I've met in this little corner of the internet. Happy kick off to the holidays! I'm putting on the Bing Crosby & Andrews Sisters holiday station on Pandora and trying to savor every moment.

Best Case Scenario

On Friday, I had a doctor's appointment that I was dreading. Because I feared I would be out of commission for the entire weekend, I didn't make any plans other than Sunday evening. With my worst case scenario mindset, I didn't want to be too optimistic and then have my hopes dashed. 

Imagine my surprise when the appointment went well and I found myself with a Saturday that was completely unplanned (and 65 degrees!). After a brief period of feeling overwhelmed & ill-prepared because I hadn't planned anything, my beau and I enjoyed a lovely afternoon in Northern Virginia. 

We had lunch at my beau's favorite Mexican restaurant. We took a drive to The Apple House for pumpkin spice donuts. We stopped at a winery for a tasting. We enjoyed the beautiful sunset and I felt miles away from the city, my routines, and most importantly, my worries. 

Lesson learned: sometimes, worst case scenario can actually turn out to be the best case scenario. 

{Photos taken on my iPhone using the Afterglow app} 

Stop & Savor

Here in DC, it seems that fall has already slipped through our fingertips. One hurricane and an election later, the trees are nearly bare and I'm already reaching for my sweaters and heavier coat. And though I'm clearly a much bigger fan of chilly weather over warm, I keep wishing everything would just slow down a little bit. If I don't pause and enjoy my favorite time of year, in an instant, it will be the cold, dark days of February with nary a twinkle light in sight. 

I've been reflecting recently on the passage of time, and how it just keeps speeding up. I get so caught up in our routines and cramming as many things as possible into my schedule that I worry I'm missing the beauty in life. Between snoozing my alarm and charting out every moment in my planner, there is my life, wizzing by. This time of year really just lends itself to slowing down a bit, stopping, and savoring those things in life that make it sparkle for you.

If you think about it, fall is the ideal time of year to release and let go of things you're hanging on to. Think of the trees, letting go of those beautiful leaves and allowing them to fall to the ground. New leaves will grow and emerge, but for now, it is the season for simplicity and turning inward. 

A thing I'm specifically trying to let go of is planning, and within that, a bit of control. Next month, I'll be heading home to Ohio for the holidays. Typically, the schedule is chock full of social events and many hours in the car as I travel between different friend's homes. Usually by now I would have begun the planning of a few major get togethers, but this year, I'm taking a back seat. I want my time at home to be full of moments to savor, and not keeping an eye on the clock. I also want to cherish my time with those in my life who love me unconditionally, and not fret if I can't see everyone on my list. Quality over quantity.

Slowing down and letting go doesn't mean less happiness and fulfillment. In fact, in this case, I think it can only yield more.

{Image via Pinterest}

Restorative Weekend

It's been hectic recently, in that way that makes me feel a little like Jessie Spano during her studying-for-finals-while-singing-in-Hot-Sundae phase. You know the feeling: there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day, you always feel a little behind on work, and you're complaining more than usual. That's how this past month has been, and I hated that time was whirling by at breakneck speed during my favorite season of the year. 

This weekend, life intervened and caused me to slow down and take it all in. During a weekend where I'd promised I'd spend a little time catching up on my work to-do list,  I came down with the sniffles on Thursday evening. I had no choice but to throw my lofty list of work tasks out the window and invest in feeling more like myself, mentally and physically. 

As we know, I'm really great at the self care that involves taking a nap, watching a marathon of shows on Netflix, and otherwise distracting myself from the stress at hand. But what about engaging in activities that really restore me and make me realize that my life is full... but of beautiful, lovely things and not just emails, deadlines, and decisions. 

So this weekend, I read my friend's little girl a bedtime story and tucked her in. I baked pumpkin chocolate chip bread and shared a loaf as a hostess gift. I ate a bowl of the best chili I've had in a long time. I enjoyed my first eggnog of the season. I had brunch and shopped with some of my favorite lady friends. And I didn't let myself feel guilty for not doing something more productive, because I've got to refill my own well before I have anything to give to others. 

Sunday night, I got out my planner and mapped out my week. Yes, it's going to be a busy one. But because I slowed down this weekend, there is more space in my mind, heart, and life to be able to tackle those pesky administrative items and not be bogged down by them.

{Image via Pinterest}

Favorite Things: October 2012

I'm jumping on the bandwagon and sharing a few of my favorite things this month. I figure since I love reading posts like this, why not create my own? 

The Mindy Project - I don't watch The Office, but fell in love with Mindy when I read her book (Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?) back in December. I felt an instant connection to her humor and love of romantic comedies and was delighted to hear she'd have her own show this fall. Let me tell you, it does not disappoint! Tune in for 30 minutes that feels like a romantic comedy in a tiny package. 

Babel by Mumford & Sons - Oh, how Mumford & Sons sing to my soul. Their first album is still in constant rotation, and this new album has been keeping me sane during long workdays and road trips. My favorite track is "Below My Feet", because the lyrics are so beautiful: Keep the earth below my feet /For all my sweat, my blood runs weak /Let me learn from where I have been /Keep my eyes to serve, my hands to learn

Bahama Mama nail polish - Though I will never "need" another nail polish, that certainly doesn't stop me from purchasing them. I recently ran across Essie's Bahama Mama shade at my local CVS, and it's actually the perfect maroon color without being too dark or too purple. I'm definitely going to wear it a lot this fall & winter. 

Bubble necklace - I'd been seeing bubble necklaces a lot around Pinterest & blogs, but ran into a beautiful display in person at Eastern Market this past weekend. I snagged this turquoise gem, and have worn it several times since. I love how it makes my striped shirts (of which I have many) a little dressier and part of a pulled together look. 

Wild by Cheryl Stayed - I'm the least outdoorsy person I know, so I wondered if this book, which is about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, would lose my interest with it's backpacking lingo and descriptions of trees. Imagine my surprise when I was taken on an adventure of a woman healing herself after her mother's death and a painful divorce. I highly recommend this book.

What are your favorites this month?

A Fall To-Do List

All this talk about fall got me thinking: what is on my to-do list for my favorite time of year? 

• Bake my mom's apple pie (it was a blue ribbon winner at my hometown's fall festival!)
• Take a picnic lunch and go for a drive/hike on Skyline Drive 
• Finally finish season 2 of Downton Abbey
• Begin "CrockPot Sundays" (self explanatory) 
• Enjoy my current fall wardrobe - no more clothes shopping!
• Go on a camping trip with my beau (nearby bathrooms mandatory)
• Read a classic book I've never read (The Great Gatsby is on tap for my book club)
• Light candles more frequently
• Buy some mini pumpkins and decorate my apartment
• Say goodbye to a few TV shows that I'm not loving any longer (Grey's Anatomy, I'm looking at you...)
• Take a day trip to a few of my favorite Northern Virginia wineries 
• Enjoy a weekend with my dad and stepmom (they'll be here in mid-October - hurray!)

What are you looking forward to this season?

{Image via Pinterest}

Fall, My Old Friend

 When the humidity fades and that cool autumn breeze arrives, my energy and mood improve considerably. September and October might just be my favorite time of year. For an introvert like me, the beginning of the slowing down and focusing inward is extremely appealing, and the mugs of warm tea and flickering candles don't hurt either. 

I've been doing a lot of thinking about where I get my energy recently. When I describe myself as an introvert, some are surprised. I'm not particularly shy and I am certainly one of those people who can talk to anyone about anything. But, that is not where I get my energy. In fact (and no offense, friends), large social situations actually drain my energy. It isn't to say that I'm not having a good time, it's just that for me, I charge my batteries with large doses of unscheduled time alone. One on one time with friends or my beau are the exception to this rule, but generally speaking, this is how I operate. I feel as if summer isn't exactly an introvert's natural habitat. With so much going on and the emphasis on being "out and about", I can feel a little out of my element at an all day pool party or backyard barbeque. 

When planning my weeks and especially weekends, I've got to make sure there is enough unscheduled time thrown in the mix. While I know my beau isn't thrilled with my love of planning the weekends on Monday, it really helps set my expectations and know how much downtime I need to plan during the week to offset it. I know it may sound silly to some, but if I don't get enough unscheduled time, anxiety creeps in & I'm even less content in the social situations. 

Fall is like nature's little nudge that it's okay to be a little introverted -- a Saturday morning spent lingering at your favorite brunch spot or (better yet) cozy in bed, an evening after work in a cozy chair with the book you just can't put down, or inviting friends over for chili that you threw in the CrockPot. Slowing down is natural, and I feel that this season is more in tune with my inner rhythm than any other (though I warn you, I'm one of those confusing people that loves winter as well).

Also, the "back to school" nature of this time of year means that it's a wonderful time to reflect, plan, and organize. Last night, I spent over an hour charting out September & October in my planner, making bullet pointed lists of all of those nagging life administrative items that must be taken care of. 

Regardless of your extrovert vs introvert status, I think fall is the perfect time for us all of us to slow down a little and refocus on what brings us happiness. For me, it's finding that balance between social time and solitude, with some new school supplies thrown in to keep me organized. 

Happy September!

{Image via Pinterest}

Variations on a Theme

I love the inspiration and new-found motivation that comes with the changing of the seasons, and the transition from summer into fall is my favorite of all. As soon as I flipped my calendar to September, I started feeling the urge to brainstorm, plan, and organize.

It was with this thinking yesterday that I pulled out a blank page in my notebook and started to jot down some goals for September. But as I was putting pen to paper, this simple string of words came to me: read, bake, yoga, laugh, create, be. And so, my theme for the fall (and perhaps life) was born.

Read: I’ve been enjoying a year of good reading so far in 2012. With the discovery of library lending for the Kindle, my book club, and swapping Kindles with a friend, I’m always in the midst of a book I love. Currently I’m reading Beautiful Ruins, and next up is The Tiger’s Wife, for my book club. I’m also eager to peruse my September Real Simple magazine, and to keep up on reading some of my favorite blogs.

Bake: I’m not much in the kitchen, as I’ll be the first to admit. But lately, on Pinterest, I’ve found myself pinning a lot of baked goods. My lofty goal is to bake a layer cake, but I may ease in with some banana bread, pumpkin muffins, or these dark chocolate pistachio cookies I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

Yoga: I feel much better when I am regularly doing yoga, but unfortunately, it’s  one of the first things to go when things get busy. Somehow, I feel that flopping on the couch for a How I Met Your Mother marathon is better for my soul than turning inward for yoga. While sometimes this may well be the case, I am making it a priority to return to taking at least one yoga class per week. I’m writing it in my planner and making it happen.

Laugh: I’ve been lucky enough to be laughing a lot lately, largely in part to my beau, funny friends, and Arrested Development. This past Saturday we watched the original Footloose movie (my first time seeing it!) and the commentary with my friends and I kept me laughing well into the next day. This month, I’m going to keep surrounding myself with people that make me laugh, and try to take situations lightly that would otherwise cause my brow to furrow.

Create: I do a bit of graphic design for my day job, and occasionally there are so many projects in the hopper that my eyes start to cross. But this is a creative outlet for me, so I’m going to tackle each project with fresh eyes and take pride in what I’ve done. I’m also striving to take more pictures (do you follow me on Instagram?) and regularly ordering prints from Prinstagram. A few weeks ago, I took about 5 minutes and taped up a heart using some of my printed pictures, and I love the result.

Be: I’m going to unplug as often as possible, enjoy the moment as it is, and just be. I’m going to strive to be myself in all situations, and the best version of myself that I can be. I’m going to take each day as it comes, appreciate the good, and leave the bad.

Care Less

I've got a very thin, sensitive skin. I tend to get too emotionally invested in things, take things too personally, and let things affect me more than they should. Yesterday, I ended up bursting into tears over a very tiny thing. As it often is, it wasn't that one thing that caused the tears, but the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back". And once the tears started, I began crying about everything. You know the feeling. But once I mopped up my mascara-streaked cheeks, ate an ice cream sandwich, and cozied up in bed extra early, I realized the next step in my quest to be a better Sarah: care less. 

This week, I received a particularly jarring email from a friend who's been in my life for a long time. Essentially, this message shared that our friendship was at the end of its road, largely based on my behavior, and that this person deserved better than what I was able to give. Immediately, my mind went to the usual place -- What could I do to repair this rift? Was this person right, was I a terrible friend? But then, why allow myself to care so much about this? Friendships change, and I knew it wasn't a quick decision for this person to end ours. I'm letting go and moving on, as they have. 

Work has also been intense recently, and I'm the type of person who will stay late and check email far too often from home in an attempt to stay on top of things. But over the past few weeks, I've tried to set better boundaries for myself -- arrive on time (or early, if needed), take a short lunch break, and leave on time unless truly necessary. What I've found is with that mindset, I've actually been accomplishing more in a shorter time. I'm striving to have my work time be for work only, and not let it litter my thoughts and time while I'm not there. It's just a job, after all, even if it's one that I do care about. But by caring less, it's helping adjust my work/life balance.

And that thing that ultimately made me cry this week? Oh so small, and a prime example of caring less. Often with things involving me, I become emotional and feel the need to "fix" everything for everyone, while sacrificing myself in the process. I am immediately overwhelmed with everything that needs to happen to make the situation better -- the emails or texts to send, the things in my own schedule that can be rearranged to accommodate, and the to-do list starts growing. But, what happens when I toss all of that out the window and don't involve myself so much? Things work out as they should, and I breathe easier. Win-win. 

So, this weekend, I plan to throw my cares out the window and focus on the areas of my life that really need my emotional attention, instead of my knee jerk emotional response. As one of my favorite quotes says "Ponder what seeds you're planting, what needs watering, and what needs weeding". 

So, I shall plant, water, and weed.

{Image via Pinterest}

The Transportable Powers of a Peach

Every summer since I was in my early teens, my extended family would all pile in the car and head to the beach in North Carolina for a week. At most, there were 21 of us in the house, feasting on seemingly endless supplies of grandma-made cookies and playing cards after the sun went down. 

Vacations like this thrive on tradition, and for my family, that means food. We are not known for our picky appetites, but more for our tendency to have a dessert following every meal (yes, even breakfast). Every "first dinner" was exactly the same: Sloppy Joe's with slices of Kraft cheese, sweet corn & cantaloupe purchased from the fruit stand on the way into town, and Aunt Mary Cake for dessert. We would all know it was time for dessert when my grandpa would scrape away the remains of his dinner, searching for a clean spot for the cake. 

It was around this table, eating this meal together, that the excitement for the week would build -- we'd already made the long drive, settled into our rooms, and maybe even enjoyed an hour or two outside. Now, the week of relaxing and togetherness could truly begin.

For lunch every afternoon, another tradition was in place: make your own beach sandwiches. Whoever was the first to go in for lunch had the task of getting everything out of the fridge for sandwiches, with bags of chips & fresh tomatoes and peaches to go along with it. I remember many afternoons eating a peach from the fruit stand while standing over the kitchen sink, because it was so ripe and juicy.

I loved those weeks in my early years, when I spent countless hours swimming in the ocean and afternoons watching the movie "Now and Then" with my younger cousins. For an only child, a week spent with a house full of people was a delight. 

In recent years, I've learned to appreciate those weeks for so much more. Living hours from my family, it's the most time I get to spend with them consecutively. Taking beach walks with my grandpa, reading under the umbrella with my grandma, running to look for cheap souvenirs with my cousin -- those are even more special now. 

This year, due to finances, weddings, and schedules, the official beach trip didn't happen. (Don't worry, the house is already reserved for next summer for the whole group, a fact that delights my grandma to no end). Although I did get to spend a long weekend in Ohio, complete with a BBQ that was absolutely wonderful, I missed that week with that fantastic, one-of-a-kind group I call my family. 

Today, during my lunch hour at work, I reached for the last part of my meal: a peach I'd picked out just yesterday at Trader Joe's. As I took a bite, I realized it was so juicy that I'd need to use my beach vacation trick -- eating it over the sink. And that's when I realized that even if I was standing in my office kitchen with it's florescent lights and 350 miles away from my family, it's possible to conjur up a little bit of vacation no matter where you are.

{Photo from last year's beach trip}

Recent Inspiration

Nail polish: My favorite newly acquired polishes are Baker Street by Nails Inc, Meet Me At Sunset by Essie, and Ratin Jot by Nars. My favorite old standby that I've been loving is Mademoiselle by Essie, because sometimes, you're just in the mood for a sheer pink. 

Technology: I've long been a fan of Instagram, but I've recently discovered Diptic, where you can make collages of your picture (I used it in my blog header). Also, TimerCam is a great app, a self-timer for your iPhone. Songza is my far my new favorite music app -- it has playlists based on genre or mood, and there are no audio commercials. My current go-to stations are "Today's Happy Pop Hits", "Melancholy Morning", "Songs From Apple Commercials", and "Dawson's Creek". 

Books: I have been a reading fiend lately. In January, I set a goal to read 25 books after only reading 16 last year, and I've already read 15 (!!). My recent favorites have been The Age of Miracles, the Steve Jobs biography, and The Fault in Our Stars. 

Music: Alongside regular favorites like Ingrid Michaelson, I've found myself in a very pop loving mood lately, even playing "Call Me Maybe" on repeat on occassion (I know, I know). But I've also been really loving Milo Greene, Of Monsters and Men, and The Lumineers. I really do have to thank the fabulous Ashley for music recommendations -- I love every thing she's ever suggested. 

Blog posts: I love the blogging community, and get such joy out of reading what everyone is posting. This month, the following posts really struck a chord with me. 
+ My friend Caiti wrote an amazing post on the power of language, and changing our "have to's" into "get to's. 
+ Elise is one of my favorite bloggers, and her series last week about all the wonderful art and photos around her home was incredibly inspiring.
+ Sarah wrote an honest portrait about worry in the face of a challenging medical appointment, which struck a chord with me.
+ My friend Emily has started a blog re-reading and writing hilarious commentary about the Baby-Sitters Club series. If you were a fan of the books, be sure to check it out.
+ Sarah's blog, Pink of Perfection, has long been one of my favorites. Her post last week on gratitude was enough to shift my perspective toward the beauty I can find in my own life.

Can you believe tomorrow is August? Goodness, the months fly by these days.

{image via Pinterest}

Fake It 'Til You Make It

My beau has his own apartment, and I currently share mine with roommates. As much as I love spending most of my time with him over the weekend, I loathe packing. A creature of comfort, I like being with all of my "things". Plus, how can I decide on Friday after work what I'll want to wear/read/listen to/do over the weekend? Thus, I began to dread Fridays, always going home from work & relaxing for awhile before I'd even start getting my things together, and getting over to his apartment later and later every Friday (and typically after at least one emotionally-charged conversation about how much I didn't want to pack). 

Enter this weekend: I was in desperate need of a relaxing, refill-the-well type weekend. By the time I left work on Friday, I had a sinus headache the size of Texas and was daydreaming of take-out Thai food and vegging out in front of the Olympics. But, that one little hurdle to get over -- gathering my things & driving to Northern Virginia. On my ride home, my brain automatically started the well worn path down Negative Avenue. But, then I had a revelation: what if I just didn't complain about it? Didn't dread it? Just went home, put on a few upbeat songs, packed and headed out the door? I did exactly that, and arrived at his door at 6:45pm refreshed and ready for the weekend. 

Since my experiment went so well, I decided to carry this over into other potentially challenging aspects of the weekend. My beau had an appointment with the car dealership at 9am (!!) on Saturday morning, and I needed to accompany him in my car to give him a ride home. I am decidedly not a morning person, but instead of my usual grumbling, I just got up. I got ready, headed to the dealership, and before I knew it we were sitting in a little cafe I'd always wanted to try, drinking coffee and making our grocery list for the weekend. Before noon, we'd accomplished so much, and I wasn't the least bit tired. I was energized.

I also have a little (okay, maybe more than a little) Monica Gellar in me, and feel MUCH better if my personal surroundings are clean and organized. This especially goes for the kitchen. On the rare occasions that I cook, I can become overwhelmed with all the clean-up that has to be done, especially dishes. We had our friends over for fajitas & margaritas last night, and I kept my can-do attitude in play: I did the dishes as I cooked, quickly washed our dinner plates after I cleared them, and had my feet up reading a magazine by 10 after they'd left. 

The result was a happy, productive weekend where I was in a good mood for 99.9% of it. And the secret? Fake it 'til you make it.

At This Moment

 It's no secret that summer isn't my favorite, but I'm trying to embrace this season for all of the good that it holds -- a chance to slow down and enjoy life, wear sandals, eat outside, and savor a little more daylight. 

Here are a few things I'm keeping in mind to enjoy this next month: 

• Go through my closet and donate any of my summer clothes that don't make me feel fabulous. Life is too short to wear things we don't enjoy.
• Wake up earlier to have a leisurely morning, instead of my usual rush. 
• Buy fresh flowers for the kitchen table, and try to keep my orchid alive. 
• Unplug from the computer, iPad, and phone for one blissful day. 
• Eat as many tomatoes and peaches as possible, straight from the farmer's market. 
• Stop and get lemonade at a lemonade stand. 
• Eat an ice cream cone at least once per weekend, calories be damned. 
• Spend a day taking pictures of everything I find beautiful. 
• Clean out/organize something that desperately needs it (junk drawer, makeup bag, closet). 
• Enjoy early evenings the rooftop deck of my apartment, reading. 
• Relaxing weekend getaway with my beau, just the two of us. 

  What's on your list?

Saying Goodbye to New

I've got to have that newness, all the time, even if that "new" item is just a variation of something that I've already got -- new purse, new nail polish, new book, new striped shirt, new lipstick. And sometimes, I really do need something new. But other (most) times, it's the euphoric feeling of obtaining something new that I'm after. "This is the perfect lipstick I've been searching for", "This dress will be perfect for that party on Saturday", "This really is the exact nude nail polish I've always been searching for". Earlier this spring, I wrote about being grateful for what I have, which certainly touched on material possessions, but I've been feeling a strong urging lately to appreciate the things I already own, and dig deeper into why I'm always wanting something more. 

This morning, I got up a little bit earlier than usual. I am a chronic snooze-button-aholic, but am trying to be better about not sleeping until the very-last-minute. Even getting up 20 minutes earlier meant I had a bit more time to get ready, and I actually ended up applying lipstick before I left the house, instead of in the car while in the midst of eating my granola bar breakfast (it's a sad state of affairs, friends). As I dug through my makeup in the bathroom, I happened upon a long-lost Revlon lip butter in Candy Apple. This was purchased almost a year ago and almost never worn -- it was one of the first brighter lip colors I'd purchased, and I declared it too orange or too bright after a swipe or two and threw it in my drawer with the rest of the rejects. This morning it became my new favorite, all without a trip to the drug store for a new shade.

What is it that forces us to want something new? For me, a lot of it boils down to vanity - I want to feel good and look good. You know that feeling when you are wearing a new dress or your favorite new shirt? THAT is the important part, the "feeling" or confidence, which can be replicated at any moment from the inside out, whether it's the first time something is worn or the 100th. I'm going to make a concerted effort to shop my closet, put together new outfits, embrace wearing "the same old thing", and focus on feeling good on the inside.

Not being able to focus on the present moment is another reason I tend to gravitate towards newness. Swinging by Ulta on my lunch break or running to Target during an unscheduled portion of the weekend can be an easy way to fill time, when there are so many things I could do instead. Making the decision to stay in the present moment and relish a little quiet time or silence may be the difficult decision, but it will be rewarding.

I'm also going to try to reflect on what I really need when I pop into the store for a little something new. None of these purchases are ever something that break the bank, but they only cause a few moments of happiness. I'm likely in need of a boost, but one that could be fulfilled in a better way: with a phone call to a friend, a walk outdoors taking pictures or just breathing in and out,  or making a list of 3 things I'm grateful for today.

While I don't want to completely cut out shopping (oh, the horrors!), being mindful and reflective is something I'm working to be more conscious of. Because even if I'm wearing my $5 striped t-shirt from Target that my friends have seen a million times, with chipped nail polish and the same old lip gloss as always, I am good enough. 

{Image via Pinterest}

The Beauty of Craig's List

This week, I'm settling back in at work and home after a week away. I was in Ohio for the long weekend to celebrate my 31st birthday with my family, and as I was driving back (6 hours in the car by myself), I found myself in my usual post-vacation mode: dreaming of all of the changes I'd make once I arrived back home to live my Best Life Ever. You know what I'm talking about -- I'll wake up early, have my fridge stocked with healthy foods, do yoga daily, call my grandparents each week, and not let that stress bubble up to the surface again. 

Oh, if it was that easy! And, as you know, I do get overwhelmed with those BIG steps and tend to let that prevent me from doing any of it. I do better with small actions toward a bigger goal, and am often amazed at how a tiny change can have such a big impact. So, as I winded my way through Pennsylvania on the turnpike, my mind turned toward something small I could do this week to give myself (and my motivation) a little boost. 

I've lived in the same apartment for 5 years, and I love it. My bedroom is my haven, and it's the place I while away the hours watching Netflix, napping, and reading. Living with roommates, that room is the only place I can truly call my own. While the decor can certainly be called Ikea Chic, I adore it. But I hadn't rearranged the furniture or really spruced it up in several years. 

As I unpacked my bags Monday evening, I looked at my room with new eyes. What did it need to give it that change I was longing for? Not having much money to spare, I browsed Craig's List for some pieces of furniture, and then I happened upon it: the perfect cozy little armchair. It was red with white flowers, extremely reasonably priced, and I could see my room makeover happen before my eyes. 

The next day and a few emails later, I was on my way to pick up the chair with the help of my ever-supportive beau. I just did a slight bit of rearranging, a LOT of dusting (man, it's amazing how much can accumulate beneath something you haven't moved in years), and my little reading nook emerged: my cozy new chair, my already well stocked bookshelf, and a repositioned lamp. 

It was just what I needed - a small addition to make me better appreciate what I already had. I can't wait to curl up with a new book (or, let's face it, an episode of Dawson's Creek on Netflix) later today.

Glass Half Full

If you're a friend of mine, follow me on Twitter, or even read this blog, you may be under the impression that I'm an optimist, a gratitude seeker, someone who can find joy in the little things in life. While it's true that I strive to be this way, let me let you in on a little secret: I am a worry-wart. A Negative Nelly. A glass is half empty type of gal, at least when it comes to my own little life. 

Recently, I was in Ohio for a family wedding. My 80-year-old grandpa had an appointment scheduled with a surgeon the following day for an aneurysm that had just been found on a routine ultrasound. Naturally, thinking of it ahead of time, I asked him how he was holding up. He said "Why would I think about that today? The appointment isn't until tomorrow. I'll think about it then." 

Oh, to have that as my mentality... to stay positive, or better yet, not dwell on a particular event or situation until the moment that you're actually facing it? I truly am the opposite, and find it difficult to think of anything else if there is something negative to worry about. It's as if I actually think that worrying, focusing, obsessing over what's to come can somehow stop it from happening. It's the little piece of control that I have in this uncertain world, right? Wrong. 

Enter my new mantra: Worry is not preventative. It does not stop something bad from happening, it does not make you more prepared, it does not superstitiously give you a better chance of good news. It depletes your resources, creates clouds on an otherwise sunny day, and robs you of the joy you do have in your life. 

Let me be honest... realizing this and taking it to heart is the first step on a long journey for me. As I said, worry is a well worn path in my mind, and it takes a lot of courage to take a step on a road that's rarely been traveled. But, why not give it a try? Whether it's something small (a challenging meeting you're not looking forward to, an unpleasant conversation with a friend) or something larger (a worrisome doctor visit), I'm making a conscious effort to attack it more positively and let go of the fear that this means I "deserve" something bad. 

Here are some small things I'm finding helpful as I begin this journey: 

+ Finding a friend who truly understands and can say "Girl, you're crazy" in a nice & supportive way. 
+ At the end of every day, thinking of (or writing down) 3 things you're grateful for about that day, and 3 things you're looking forward to about tomorrow. 
+ Changing my iPhone wallpaper to a positive quote or sentiment, so I see it throughout the day. 
+ When you find yourself saying "What if [terrible thing] happens?", also look at the reverse side, "what if [terrible thing] doesn't happen?". 

I know that many of you may struggle with this as well, so I invite you to join me on my quest to see the glass as half full. Let's start small, dip our toes in the water, and see where it takes us.

{Image via Pinterest}

Currently Loving

Things have been hectic recently with a busy schedule at work and several out of town trips, but it's always important to take the time savor the small things that bring us joy.

+ Crawling into bed early with a good book (this week, it's The Fault in Our Stars)
+ Nude nail polishes (Deborah Lippmann's Naked, Essie's Au Natural) 
+ Trader Joe's Cookie Butter (on toast, with sea salt pita chips, on a spoon) 
+ Maxi dresses (could wear one every day of the week) 
+ Arnold Palmers (half lemonade half iced tea) from Chick-Fil-A 
+ Soy iced chai lattes (savoring one as I type) 
+ Pandora's Summer Hits of the 90s station (it's like a time machine) 
+ The Bachelorette (I can't help it, I just love that Emily Maynard) 
+ Bright pink lip gloss/stick/stain (Revlon's Kissable Balm Stain in Lovesick is my go-to)
+ Paper'd iPhone wallpaper app (beautifully designed, inspirational, one for every mood)

{Image via Pinterest}

Lip Stain & Inspiration

Despite the craziness that has been May, here are a few things that I've been loving lately: 

•  Revlon's new Bitten Kissable Balm Stains - I'm a relatively new lip color lover, but these are everything that I love wrapped up into one. Long lasting, moisturizing, and very pigmented colors. I own Honey, Smitten, and Lovesick and have worn them all recently. (And I absolutely blame Ashley for my love of lipsticks, especially bright pinks)
  
• Library e-book lending for the Kindle - My love of reading knows no bounds, aside from the limits of my bank account. Recently, I started getting e-books for my Kindle through my local library's website. Though there are a limited number of copies and typically a short wait, it's a cinch to download & I feel like I'm buying e-books for free. Currently, I'm reading Maine by J. Courtney Sullivan (perfect for this time of year!) and next on tap are Night Circus for my book club, and The Fault In Our Stars, which has come highly recommended. 

•  Netflix Instant - While I was under the weather, TV shows and movies kept me sane. I relived those Bayside High memories in Saved By The Bell (I still have a crush on Zack Morris), started watching Brothers & Sisters from the beginning, and savored the first season of Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch, I heart you). Also, I just learned on Monday that they now have ALL seasons of Dawson's Creek. 

• Online inspiration - Caiti's Personal Blog Oath echoed exactly how I feel about blogging, Amy's new design had me thinking of sprucing up my own little corner of the internet, Rachel's week in the life posts kept a smile on my face, and Sarah's post about peonies inspired me to buy some flowers of my own.   

What are you loving this month? 

{image via Pinterest} 

Bespectacled Change of Attitude

May has been a challenging month for me in many ways. I've been struggling with a wacky eye issue that involved dilating my pupils every day for 2 weeks, leaving me to practically live as a vampire in dimly lit rooms. I had to cancel many social plans, work from home just a few hours a day, and survive on Netflix Instant and take-out. As a person that thrives on routine and gets anxious about health issues, I was nearly pushed to my limit.

I'm happy to report that things are on the mend, and I've slowly been able to return to the land of the living. To say that a shift in perspective has occurred is a great understatement -- things like driving my car, walking outside in sunshine, and reading a book before bed now feel like luxuries instead of things I did each day and took for granted. It's also made me realize that so many things that I worry about on a daily basis are really small potatoes. 

For example, my biggest struggle was getting over the vanity of it all: I wear contacts normally, but have been forced to wear glasses and in most cases dark sunglasses as well, even for a simple trip to the grocery store. This past Saturday was the wedding of 2 dear friends, and sure to be a very fancy and formal occasion. I had picked what I was going to wear weeks in advance, and had planned on looking my best. But then, a few days before, I wasn't even sure if I'd be able to make it. Even when I was told that I (finally!) could stop taking the dilating drops, I was so sad that I'd have to wear my silly glasses to this wedding I'd look forward to for so long. I knew there would be a million pictures taken, and I still had that mentality that I looked horrendous and unrecognizable in my glasses. 

I let myself feel sad about it for a few days, but I awoke Saturday morning with a renewed sense of positivity - I wasn't going to dwell on it, I was just going to sport my specs and own it, gosh darn it! And the result? I had a wonderful time, I even got compliments (a friend even said I should wear them more often!), and by the end of the evening, I totally forgot I was wearing them. 

And the takeaway? The ONLY thing you can control is your own attitude, and how you react to things. There are so many times that I have gotten down in the dumps for not having the right outfit to wear, chipped nail polish, or feeling that I looked bedraggled. But when it comes down to it, none of that matters -- I had a good time at the wedding because I allowed myself to have a good time. No one else cared what I looked like, they were just happy I was there. 

P.S. A post about glasses would be remiss without mentioning Warby Parker, the fabulously affordable company where I bought both pairs of glasses that I own. This company has the best customer service I've ever encountered, seriously fashionable frames, and a great mission statement. If you're a fellow glasses wearer, check them out immediately.

Long Lost Treasures

This past weekend, I went home to Ohio for a bridal shower. While I usually cram my visits there with as many social engagements as the calendar can hold, this time, I knew better. Since April has been such a busy month, I was craving a retreat of sorts, and my dad's house was the perfect haven. I decided that aside from the shower, I would stay put and bask in the glory of quality over quantity. 

After the hectic day of the shower, I decided to head down to the basement, where I have a stack of boxes from high school, moving out of my childhood home, and college. I grabbed the box at the top of the stack, and realized it was essentially "My Life in a Box". Knick knacks from my childhood, a Precious Moments figurine, a music box that played "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head made by my grandfather... it was as if I could picture my childhood bedroom, with everything in its proper place. 

As I dug deeper, I unearthed notes passed to me in the halls of high school by my best friend, good luck "telegrams to the stars" sent to me backstage during the musical my senior year, and some choral music that I (whoops!) never returned to my college's music department. But then, I spied something I honestly forgot that I had -- a little cedar box where I had stored my most treasured possessions.

As I opened the box, I found some of my favorite pictures from my childhood (two of them pictured above). The first was my dad's favorite picture of me, from our backyard when I was about 4 years old. The second was a picture of my first communion at church, with my mom, dad, and grandparents on my mom's side, both of whom have passed away. I also found a card sent to me at college by my beloved Grandma Betty, who passed away this past July, that shared that she'd just finished watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, and had enclosed $20 for me to spend "as I pleased". 

But then, tucked down beneath love letters from my high school boyfriend, something sparkly hit the light, and I caught my breath. Could it be, the necklace that I'd searched high and low for years before? Indeed, just lying at the bottom of the box was a diamond necklace that my mom gave me for my 21st birthday. At the time, the summer before my senior year of college, I barely realized the importance of such a gift. You see, she'd had it made using the diamonds from her engagement and wedding ring from my dad. They divorced when I was 16, and it was an incredibly difficult time for me. They had no use for the precious stones any longer, but to me, their only child and the self proclaimed best thing that came from their marriage, it was a treasure. 

I wore it a few times back then, and then apparently tucked it away in this important box and forgot about it. After moves after college and eventually away from Ohio, I had no idea where the necklace had wound up. It often upset me greatly, as I had grown to truly appreciate the sentiment and all it stood for. 

The next day, I had already planned on having lunch with my mom. I appeared proudly wearing the necklace, and she wept with happiness that the lost treasure had been found. We went to the jeweler who had made the piece and had it cleaned and the chain shortened, and now I plan on keeping it close to my heart (and in my jewelry box) for many, many years to come.

Letting Go

We plan, we worry, we vent... all because we want to feel like we have more control over things in our lives. From the smallest details to the most life-changing, we don't like that feeling that we are powerless. When we feel it slipping through our fingers, when someone else suddenly has the power to upset us, when we realize we did all that worrying for nothing -- THAT is when it becomes clear that we don't have as much control as we thought we did. 

For some (including me), worrying makes us feel like we have more control. When getting ready to go onstage for a play in high school, I remember worrying about why I didn't feel worried. What could that mean? I was supposed to feel worried, that made me feel prepared, like all of my ducks were in a row. I didn't feel comfortable embracing the thought that I had done all that I could to prepare, and that I would do my best once the play began. 

I'm facing an incredibly busy month this April. Ever since February, merely turning the page to April in my calendar made me a little anxious. From huge work deadlines to multiple bridal showers and a trip out of town, I knew I had to get serious about two things once the calendar flipped to April: planning and self-care. And, about 2 weeks ago, I realized I was going to have to do something I really didn't like to do: say no, reschedule a few things, and delegate. In other words, let go of a little control. 

Admitting that I can't do it all is very difficult for me. But, getting overwhelmed, being anxious, and becoming very frazzled if I don't have enough downtime is extremely easy for me. I needed to find that balance for April before I collapsed in a heap, watching episode after episode of Saved by the Bell (which is now on Netflix Instant - amazing!) and avoiding all responsibilities. 

The first step was assessing what needed to leave my plate. A visit with my best girlfriend from home was scheduled mid-month, and I had been looking forward to it for ages. But what state would I be in, when that weekend was sandwiched between an out-of-town trip and a huge project at work? With a heavy heart, I called up my very understanding girlfriend and rescheduled her visit for later this summer. As soon as I hung up the phone and deleted the multi-day event from my calendar, I began to feel lighter. 

Next was a difficult conversation at work regarding giving up a particular project. Even though there was a million reasons why it made more sense for this other person to take over (and this person had even suggested it), I struggled with letting go. I felt that it was a reflection on my character, my abilities. What would other people think? What would this person think? 

But, the positive aspects of these decisions far outweigh the negative. Being able to see what to keep and what to get rid of is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. Letting go of control, of worry, and of negative energy is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

What can you let go of this week? Be prepared for some growing pains, but the peace that follows is worth the struggle. 

{Photo taken by me at the park this weekend}

Enough

 Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. - Melody Beattie

Gratitude has been on my mind recently, specifically the thought of being grateful with what you have. It all began with the season of Lent. Although I haven't really "given something up" for Lent since I was in 8th grade (Whatchamacallit candy bars), this year, I felt compelled to revisit the idea. Another personal goal has been reigning in my personal spending, since I have no willpower when it comes to purchasing yet another striped shirt or bottle of nail polish. But what started with a simple wish to curb clothing + cosmetic purchases has really opened my eyes to how the attitude of "what you have is enough" translates to other areas of my life. 

I've been wishing for a new stereo for my car, since I don't have an audio in port capable of listening to music/podcasts from my iPhone. It was really bumming me out, since I'd basically had the same CDs on repeat (hello, Katy Perry) for months. It left me feeling kind of impatient and bored while I was driving, and I had been relying on making phone calls -- safely, with earbuds in -- on my commutes to & from work. Tuesday morning, on my way to work, I randomly turned on the radio, which was tuned to the local NPR station. Eureka! I've never been a big NPR person, but something about hearing the time, weather, and breaking news in soothing voices was a great preparation for my day. It's my new ritual, and something easy, free, and available to me all along.

Along with my obsession with nail polish, I've also been on a lipstick/lip gloss kick recently. I found I was purchasing a few a month, always looking for that "perfect" color (I am my mother's daughter). But was I actually wearing lipstick or gloss that often? Though my purse boasted 5+ that I could swipe on at any given moment, how often was I actually appreciating and using what I already had? So now, I'm making an effort to wear it daily. Even today, when I'm wearing my glasses, I'm impressed by how pulled together some color on my lips makes me feel.

I can also become a little gloomy when I think about how far away I live from so many of my loved ones -- but am I appreciating the friendships I've made here? Due to my introverted ways, not really. These past 2 weeks I've had dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen in two years (but that lives mere miles down the road), set a date to have a relaxing night at a dear friend's apartment, and hosted a classic movie night with pizza & Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  

In truth, what I have is enough. Whether it's something small and material like lip gloss or as important as investing in a friendship, blessings abound. I don't need anything else, and taking this time to focus in on that (while also saving a bit of pocket change) is a journey I'm enjoying with every step. 

{Image via Pinterest}