Enough

 Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. - Melody Beattie

Gratitude has been on my mind recently, specifically the thought of being grateful with what you have. It all began with the season of Lent. Although I haven't really "given something up" for Lent since I was in 8th grade (Whatchamacallit candy bars), this year, I felt compelled to revisit the idea. Another personal goal has been reigning in my personal spending, since I have no willpower when it comes to purchasing yet another striped shirt or bottle of nail polish. But what started with a simple wish to curb clothing + cosmetic purchases has really opened my eyes to how the attitude of "what you have is enough" translates to other areas of my life. 

I've been wishing for a new stereo for my car, since I don't have an audio in port capable of listening to music/podcasts from my iPhone. It was really bumming me out, since I'd basically had the same CDs on repeat (hello, Katy Perry) for months. It left me feeling kind of impatient and bored while I was driving, and I had been relying on making phone calls -- safely, with earbuds in -- on my commutes to & from work. Tuesday morning, on my way to work, I randomly turned on the radio, which was tuned to the local NPR station. Eureka! I've never been a big NPR person, but something about hearing the time, weather, and breaking news in soothing voices was a great preparation for my day. It's my new ritual, and something easy, free, and available to me all along.

Along with my obsession with nail polish, I've also been on a lipstick/lip gloss kick recently. I found I was purchasing a few a month, always looking for that "perfect" color (I am my mother's daughter). But was I actually wearing lipstick or gloss that often? Though my purse boasted 5+ that I could swipe on at any given moment, how often was I actually appreciating and using what I already had? So now, I'm making an effort to wear it daily. Even today, when I'm wearing my glasses, I'm impressed by how pulled together some color on my lips makes me feel.

I can also become a little gloomy when I think about how far away I live from so many of my loved ones -- but am I appreciating the friendships I've made here? Due to my introverted ways, not really. These past 2 weeks I've had dinner with an old friend I hadn't seen in two years (but that lives mere miles down the road), set a date to have a relaxing night at a dear friend's apartment, and hosted a classic movie night with pizza & Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  

In truth, what I have is enough. Whether it's something small and material like lip gloss or as important as investing in a friendship, blessings abound. I don't need anything else, and taking this time to focus in on that (while also saving a bit of pocket change) is a journey I'm enjoying with every step. 

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Mashed Potatoes for the Soul

I am a creature of comfort. I've spoken of my introverted ways before: my preference for a night in over a night out, my love of winter weather for the "let's stay in and snuggle up" mood it inspires, and my need to refuel after too many social plans. But, I've also had a life long tendency to return to familiar things, TV shows, and activities as a source of comfort. It's kind of like comfort food (i.e. mashed potatoes), but for my soul. 

With so many fantastic new forms of entertainment out there, I have no problem reaching for something new and loving it. But there is just something about rewatching those Sex and the City or How I Met Your Mother episodes, reaching for your well worn DVD copy of When Harry Met Sally, or leafing through a book that you've read a dozen times. It's familiar, it evokes a feeling of comfort, normalcy, and "home", which in this transient land I live in is worth its weight in gold. 

Earlier this week, I found myself with a DVR full of goodies to be watched (and goodness knows I'm the type to think of that sort of thing as an item on my to-do list), but instead felt drawn to season 4 of Sex and the City, which I own on DVD. I had some things to do around the apartment, and wanted something I could sort of half-watch, knowing when to tune in and which moments I could watch with one eye. 

It's such a good feeling, isn't it, knowing what to expect? Having that familiarity after a particularly taxing day at work or when the schedule for the next few days is full to the brim. It's also one of the many reasons why I love calling my best friend, Jeff. I've been lucky enough to call him a friend since we were six (!) years old. While one of the things I love most about our friendship is our ability to grow together and stay an active part of each other's lives (despite living 1,000+ miles apart), I also love the familiarity of talking with someone who has known me since the first grade. 

I struggle, often, with NOT knowing what to expect and unknown territory. Sometimes, I express way too much anxiety over not knowing what to wear to a certain social engagement (stripes, again?) or how to respond to an unfriendly email. But, I'm taking steps towards the age old adage that the only thing you can control is your own attitude. And, if watching Ted steal that blue French horn, even if I've practically got it memorized, helps keep me in balance? Bring it on. 

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Tiny Boosts

 Never underestimate the power of...

...a small piece of dark chocolate
...30 minutes to close your eyes in a dark, quiet room
...checking off everything on your to-do list for the day
...an snail mail card from your mom 
...painting your nails a fun, new color 
...getting a great bargain on a pair of boots 
...re-watching your favorite TV show 
...running across a mix CD from college and remembering every word
...finishing a project that's been in the back of your mind for months 
...playing a high scoring word in Words With Friends
... coming home to a tidy apartment 
...a Sunday afternoon nap 
...sitting at the counter at your favorite brunch spot
...a little liquid eyeliner and lipstick
...a few deep breaths 
...listening to your favorite song 3 times in a row
...a long, soothing shower or soak in the tub 
...a supportive hug from someone you love 
...drinking a glass of water 
...not turning the TV on 
...lighting a few candles around your apartment
...being grateful for the small things
 
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Oh, The Pressure

Boy, was I ready for the calendar to flip to February. While I always love the start of a new month, something about January ending seemed like it couldn’t come fast enough. I spent most of January feeling very low energy, craving quiet nights in and space in my schedule even more than usual. Post-holiday blues coupled with guilt over not being as goal oriented as I felt I “should” caused many days of just going through the motions.

There’s just something about January, isn’t there? Everywhere you look, you’re reminded that you’re supposed to be better. Magazine articles urge you to lose your bad habits, supermarkets prominently display their 100 calorie snack packs, and there is a general sense of “starting over” everywhere. Even here.

You see, the land of blogging is also the land of self improvement. You put your goals out there, you report back, you’re held a little bit more accountable than usual. But what if you don’t accomplish any of your goals? What if you slink home after work, make a piece of cinnamon toast for dinner and watch 5 back-to-back episodes of How I Met Your Mother?

But the very best part is, I know so many of you are right there with me. So what if I didn’t make my bed every day or find a new yoga studio? I did what came easily to me, and took a month to relax and restore myself.

I cleaned out my closet. I read 3 books (Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?, The Paris Wife, and One Day), I caught up with a very dear friend over Vietnamese food. I went to a Thievery Corporation concert. I watched many hours of Downton Abbey. I made a delicious new soup and helped make my boyfriend’s famous chili. I made many cups of tea. I slept until noon. I had brunch in the city, browsed Eastern Market, and spent a blissful afternoon in a used bookstore.

And now, it’s February, and my planner boasts a new set of goals that I’ll aspire to achieve, piece by piece. But really, if I just accomplish painting my nails red, snuggling up with my beau on Valentine’s Day, and being a little less hard on myself? Well, that would be just fine with me.

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Just As I Am

 May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are.

Mother Teresa

Oh, January. Such a special month you are. With reminders of how we're supposed to lose weight, eat more vegetables, and simplify our lives everywhere we turn, the message of self improvement is clear. With that and the noticeable lack of twinkle lights and champagne, it can all seem a bit daunting. Clearly, I love making goals and striving to be the best version of myself, but the focus on starting anew can be a road block that stops us from seeing how blessed we are, right here and now.

I read this article on one of my favorite blogs last week, and haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Sarah very eloquently writes, "...this year, I don’t have a benchmark or milestone to reach. This year, I want to lean into living the life that’s right in front of me, right now." Isn't that a wonderful thought as we start the year? Lean into living the life that's right here before us, accept how and who we are right at this very moment? 

I struggle with this daily, and don't we all? I want to challenge myself to see the beauty in my lovely little life. Instead of beating myself up for gaining a few pounds during the holidays, why not step back and realize I'm likely the only one that notices? Instead of feeling lonely as I drive away from my family and friends back in Ohio, why not fill these blustery January evenings with meeting up with friends that are becoming near and dear? Instead of multi-tasking and checking Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram every 5 minutes, why not set my phone aside and be fully present during an evening with my beau?

So, for this weekend at least, I'm keeping my "goals" simple - cook something in the CrockPot on Sunday, finish the book I'm reading and start the next, go on a brisk winter walk, and all the while think to myself that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, snug jeans and all.

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Snow, Paris, and Nail Polish

I'm one of those strange people who prefers cold weather to warm, and would much rather bundle up and take a brisk walk through the snow over a dip in the pool. Though I enjoy living in a place that experiences all the seasons, I'd place summer firmly in last place. Boots, scarves, sweater dresses, fuzzy blankets, and hot tea are my recipe for happiness. 

You can image that I've been slightly disappointed in our mild winter thus far. I was definitely in a sour mood when it was 65+ degrees on Saturday, and was just dying for snow. You can imagine my happiness when I looked out my office window this afternoon to see those fluffy flakes falling from the sky. Thank goodness! 

Aside from the snow, here a few other things that are making me happy right now. 

• The Paris Wife, Paula McLain's lush novel that has whisked me away to 1920s Paris and made me fall slightly in love with Hemingway myself.
• Essie's Cocktail Bling nail polish, the perfect pale gray/blue for this time of year. 
• Downton Abbey, Masterpiece Classic's superb British costume drama & the perfect anecdote to the post-holiday blues
• Even though I've always been a stripes girl, I've currently having a love affair with polka dots.
•  I finally caved and bought a bottle of sriracha hot sauce, and I can't get enough! I've been putting it on everything, my favorite being eggs, veggie burgers, and noodle dishes.

I hope you can curl up with your favorite things this evening and enjoy this fabulous winter weather! 

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Clean Slate

And the time came when the risk it took to remain the bud 

was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.

Anais Nin

Ten days in Ohio was just what my soul needed: inside jokes, curling up under a fluffy blanket, countless mugs of tea made by my mom, harmonizing around the piano, and eating every Christmas cookie I came across. The problem, of course, was that it was over in the blink of an eye. As with most things that we look forward to and spend months planning for, time presses on. Before I knew it, I'd loaded up my car with my stuffed suitcase (anyone else a chronic over-packer?) and hit the lonely road back to DC. 

Of course, after settling in, unpacking, and watching a few episodes of Downton Abbey, everything looked a little rosier. Being back in a routine has always been a better fit for me, and I have been cherishing the new perspective that some time away has given me. As I mentioned before I headed home for the holidays, I spent some time mid-December brainstorming goals & dreams for 2012. Now that we're officially in "resolution" territory, I thought I'd share a few things I hope to accomplish and/or keep in mind for this month. 

•  Attend 1 yoga class at an actual studio: after my beloved yoga studio in my neighborhood closed, I haven't yet found another place to practice. I'm going to research a few that are in the area and attend at least one class this month.
• Make my bed every day: It's such a simple thing, really, and just takes a few minutes. But this small act helps me feel more prepared for the day, and instantly puts me at ease when I come home. 
• Weekly phone calls with my best friend: I've been very blessed to have the same best friend for 24 years, since the first grade. In the final weeks leading up to Christmas, he and I talked several times a week, solidifying our plans for the holidays. I want to make a conscious effort to pick up the phone once a week, so we can keep up-to-date on those day to day details. 
• Spend more time reading: I set a goal on Goodreads to read 25 books this year. While I do always have a book on the go (and am part of a wonderful book club), I only read 16 books this past year! I'm well on my way to my goal, already having finished one book (Mindy Kaling's excellent "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?") and started my second (this month's book club pick, "The Paris Wife").
• Plan a weekend getaway: A goal that fell flat for fall was planning a little weekend getaway with my beau. This month (even if it doesn't happen until February or March), I'd like to find a cozy little cabin with a fireplace that's just an hour or 2 away. 

Wishing you all a lovely start to this brand new year.  

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