Letting Go

We plan, we worry, we vent... all because we want to feel like we have more control over things in our lives. From the smallest details to the most life-changing, we don't like that feeling that we are powerless. When we feel it slipping through our fingers, when someone else suddenly has the power to upset us, when we realize we did all that worrying for nothing -- THAT is when it becomes clear that we don't have as much control as we thought we did. 

For some (including me), worrying makes us feel like we have more control. When getting ready to go onstage for a play in high school, I remember worrying about why I didn't feel worried. What could that mean? I was supposed to feel worried, that made me feel prepared, like all of my ducks were in a row. I didn't feel comfortable embracing the thought that I had done all that I could to prepare, and that I would do my best once the play began. 

I'm facing an incredibly busy month this April. Ever since February, merely turning the page to April in my calendar made me a little anxious. From huge work deadlines to multiple bridal showers and a trip out of town, I knew I had to get serious about two things once the calendar flipped to April: planning and self-care. And, about 2 weeks ago, I realized I was going to have to do something I really didn't like to do: say no, reschedule a few things, and delegate. In other words, let go of a little control. 

Admitting that I can't do it all is very difficult for me. But, getting overwhelmed, being anxious, and becoming very frazzled if I don't have enough downtime is extremely easy for me. I needed to find that balance for April before I collapsed in a heap, watching episode after episode of Saved by the Bell (which is now on Netflix Instant - amazing!) and avoiding all responsibilities. 

The first step was assessing what needed to leave my plate. A visit with my best girlfriend from home was scheduled mid-month, and I had been looking forward to it for ages. But what state would I be in, when that weekend was sandwiched between an out-of-town trip and a huge project at work? With a heavy heart, I called up my very understanding girlfriend and rescheduled her visit for later this summer. As soon as I hung up the phone and deleted the multi-day event from my calendar, I began to feel lighter. 

Next was a difficult conversation at work regarding giving up a particular project. Even though there was a million reasons why it made more sense for this other person to take over (and this person had even suggested it), I struggled with letting go. I felt that it was a reflection on my character, my abilities. What would other people think? What would this person think? 

But, the positive aspects of these decisions far outweigh the negative. Being able to see what to keep and what to get rid of is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. Letting go of control, of worry, and of negative energy is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

What can you let go of this week? Be prepared for some growing pains, but the peace that follows is worth the struggle. 

{Photo taken by me at the park this weekend}