Recently, I've been thinking a lot about balance, specifically of the work/life variety. How do I achieve this? Is it even possible? I certainly know when I feel off balance, and breathe a little easier when I perceive things are "under control", but how do I make peace with this once and for all?
Imagine my delight when I started flipping through the January issue of Real Simple (yes, I'm just a little behind on my magazine reading) and saw an article on this exact topic. They interviewed 10 influential folks specifically about work/life balance, and here are a few thoughts that really resonated with me.
"The assumption that everything must be right with the world or your life is out of balance is silly and, frankly, impossible." –Anna Quindlen
That's the thing, isn't it? It isn't just that we should achieve balance, but that everything is 100% right in the world and done perfectly. If I picture what my ideal balanced day is, it is completely unrealistic: crossing every item off my to-do list at work, leaving on time with an inbox count of zero, cooking a delicious and healthy dinner, and drifting off to sleep after reading in bed. This may happen ONE day a year, if that. Pieces and parts of it do happen, however, and that is much more realistic.
"There's no ideal 50-50. Moment by moment, we're figuring it out, and what works is constantly changing." –Ellen Galinsky
Today's perfectly balanced day may look completely different from tomorrow's. After a hectic work day, Netflix & takeout might be just the ticket to get the pendulum to swing in the other direction. After an easy and accomplished day, I could do 3 loads of laundry, FaceTime with my parents, wash the dishes, and feel just as good when my head hits the pillow. We must get rid of this notion that balance is always the same, and that if we don't hit the mark, we're completely off kilter.
"If you have the luxury of thinking about balance, you're ahead of the game almost by definition." –Jennifer Senior
And then there is this: if we even have time to contemplate this, we're doing pretty good. Some days we'll eat a cupcake when we should have had kale, some days we'll stay late at work and miss out on having dinner with our significant other, and once in a blue moon we'll actually do it all. It's making the choice every single day to do our best that really matters.
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"...Oh my God, what if you wake up some day, and you're 65, or 75, and you never got your memoir or novel written; or you didn't go swimming in warm pools and oceans all those years because your thighs were jiggly and you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It's going to break your heart. Don't let this happen." –Anne Lamott
It has been a busy and off-kilter few weeks, and this week, I'm reveling in the comfort of routine and "regular life". First, there was an incredibly busy week at work leading up to a major event, and I spent the majority of my evenings and weekend time trying to make sense of my crazy to-do list. Next came a week spent in California visiting my beau's family, and last week I had a pre-cancerous mole removed from the bottom of my foot that was about 100x times more painful than I'd anticipated. This week, I'm pressing the reset button and embracing the moments of my regular life that are oh so sweet.
I read the wonderful quote above on Cup of Jo last week, and it's been on my mind ever since. How many moments do I not fully appreciate because something isn't quite perfect? It's so easy to look to the future toward something that hasn't yet happened as when life really starts (when I lose 10 pounds, when I get married, when I figure out work/life balance, etc). But, life is happening now, in every single small moment of flossing your teeth, washing an endless amount of dishes, or pressing the snooze button. I'm not sure about you, but life is really zipping by at an alarming rate recently, and I want to do my best to stop and savor the moments as they are actually happening.
This weekend, my beau and I took a blanket to a nearby park and I finished a fantastic book (This Is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Tropper) while lying in the grass and listening to the kids playing nearby. I thought about taking a picture for Instagram, but resisted. Later that night, we laughed our heads off watching a Louie C.K. comedy special on HBO. Yesterday, instead of grabbing a Clif bar on the way out the door to work, I made breakfast and sat down at the table to eat it. Is any of that going to show up on the highlight reel of my life? Likely not, but I wouldn't have changed it for the world.
I don't want to wait for life to start, I want to embrace all of the beautiful moments that are happening right now. And if that means donning a bathing suit when I don't feel 100% comfortable, choosing not to share something on social media, or leaving the dishes in the sink until morning, so be it.
P.S. I'm happy and slightly nervous to share that last week, I was a guest on Sarah Bagley's fantastic podcast. We talked about perfectionism, balance, and living in the moment.
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