Long Lost Treasures

This past weekend, I went home to Ohio for a bridal shower. While I usually cram my visits there with as many social engagements as the calendar can hold, this time, I knew better. Since April has been such a busy month, I was craving a retreat of sorts, and my dad's house was the perfect haven. I decided that aside from the shower, I would stay put and bask in the glory of quality over quantity. 

After the hectic day of the shower, I decided to head down to the basement, where I have a stack of boxes from high school, moving out of my childhood home, and college. I grabbed the box at the top of the stack, and realized it was essentially "My Life in a Box". Knick knacks from my childhood, a Precious Moments figurine, a music box that played "Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head made by my grandfather... it was as if I could picture my childhood bedroom, with everything in its proper place. 

As I dug deeper, I unearthed notes passed to me in the halls of high school by my best friend, good luck "telegrams to the stars" sent to me backstage during the musical my senior year, and some choral music that I (whoops!) never returned to my college's music department. But then, I spied something I honestly forgot that I had -- a little cedar box where I had stored my most treasured possessions.

As I opened the box, I found some of my favorite pictures from my childhood (two of them pictured above). The first was my dad's favorite picture of me, from our backyard when I was about 4 years old. The second was a picture of my first communion at church, with my mom, dad, and grandparents on my mom's side, both of whom have passed away. I also found a card sent to me at college by my beloved Grandma Betty, who passed away this past July, that shared that she'd just finished watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, and had enclosed $20 for me to spend "as I pleased". 

But then, tucked down beneath love letters from my high school boyfriend, something sparkly hit the light, and I caught my breath. Could it be, the necklace that I'd searched high and low for years before? Indeed, just lying at the bottom of the box was a diamond necklace that my mom gave me for my 21st birthday. At the time, the summer before my senior year of college, I barely realized the importance of such a gift. You see, she'd had it made using the diamonds from her engagement and wedding ring from my dad. They divorced when I was 16, and it was an incredibly difficult time for me. They had no use for the precious stones any longer, but to me, their only child and the self proclaimed best thing that came from their marriage, it was a treasure. 

I wore it a few times back then, and then apparently tucked it away in this important box and forgot about it. After moves after college and eventually away from Ohio, I had no idea where the necklace had wound up. It often upset me greatly, as I had grown to truly appreciate the sentiment and all it stood for. 

The next day, I had already planned on having lunch with my mom. I appeared proudly wearing the necklace, and she wept with happiness that the lost treasure had been found. We went to the jeweler who had made the piece and had it cleaned and the chain shortened, and now I plan on keeping it close to my heart (and in my jewelry box) for many, many years to come.

Letting Go

We plan, we worry, we vent... all because we want to feel like we have more control over things in our lives. From the smallest details to the most life-changing, we don't like that feeling that we are powerless. When we feel it slipping through our fingers, when someone else suddenly has the power to upset us, when we realize we did all that worrying for nothing -- THAT is when it becomes clear that we don't have as much control as we thought we did. 

For some (including me), worrying makes us feel like we have more control. When getting ready to go onstage for a play in high school, I remember worrying about why I didn't feel worried. What could that mean? I was supposed to feel worried, that made me feel prepared, like all of my ducks were in a row. I didn't feel comfortable embracing the thought that I had done all that I could to prepare, and that I would do my best once the play began. 

I'm facing an incredibly busy month this April. Ever since February, merely turning the page to April in my calendar made me a little anxious. From huge work deadlines to multiple bridal showers and a trip out of town, I knew I had to get serious about two things once the calendar flipped to April: planning and self-care. And, about 2 weeks ago, I realized I was going to have to do something I really didn't like to do: say no, reschedule a few things, and delegate. In other words, let go of a little control. 

Admitting that I can't do it all is very difficult for me. But, getting overwhelmed, being anxious, and becoming very frazzled if I don't have enough downtime is extremely easy for me. I needed to find that balance for April before I collapsed in a heap, watching episode after episode of Saved by the Bell (which is now on Netflix Instant - amazing!) and avoiding all responsibilities. 

The first step was assessing what needed to leave my plate. A visit with my best girlfriend from home was scheduled mid-month, and I had been looking forward to it for ages. But what state would I be in, when that weekend was sandwiched between an out-of-town trip and a huge project at work? With a heavy heart, I called up my very understanding girlfriend and rescheduled her visit for later this summer. As soon as I hung up the phone and deleted the multi-day event from my calendar, I began to feel lighter. 

Next was a difficult conversation at work regarding giving up a particular project. Even though there was a million reasons why it made more sense for this other person to take over (and this person had even suggested it), I struggled with letting go. I felt that it was a reflection on my character, my abilities. What would other people think? What would this person think? 

But, the positive aspects of these decisions far outweigh the negative. Being able to see what to keep and what to get rid of is actually a sign of strength, not weakness. Letting go of control, of worry, and of negative energy is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

What can you let go of this week? Be prepared for some growing pains, but the peace that follows is worth the struggle. 

{Photo taken by me at the park this weekend}